God's answers to fear and doubt
When I first began considering the option of going on staff with Campus Outreach Greenville, the thought of raising support was accompanied mostly by feelings of dread. After eight months, support calls and support meetings still make me nervous, but God has been using this time to teach me so much about who He is and how He provides for our needs so much more than just financially. God has been meeting me personally in the middle of doubt and fear with very specific promises and truth. I have been seeing that living by faith and following Jesus is a choice to claim what God says in the Bible as true and to walk according to that truth even when everything in me is telling me to stop. I’ll share with you just a few of the most common thoughts I’ve had throughout this process and the truth God graciously brought to mind or revealed to me. Me: I can’t do this, I was not cut out for this, this is impossible. God: “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.” Isaiah 40:28
Me: If only I had one close friend that I could walk through this with. God: “Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:23-26 Me: I had a horrible week, I didn’t make enough phone calls, I didn’t spend enough time with the Lord, I’m not trusting him enough, accompanied by an overwhelming feeling that God must be disappointed with me. God: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus… For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law.” Romans 3:23-24, 28 AND “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 1 John 4:10
Me: Is all of this really worth it? God: “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:7-8 AND “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
So, even though it has been hard at times, I am so thankful for this season of raising support. I am blown away by how God has provided for me, and I am incredibly thankful to serve a faithful God who is patient with his fearful, doubting children and who has unfailingly revealed promises and truth that give me the strength I need to follow him.
~ Rachel Rutan